6 IMPORTANT Things To Do As A Single

Being single can be a satisfying and joyous journey to be in when you have the right people in your corner; develop an intimate and personal relationship with God; take on hobbies; learn how to be financially free; understand who you are; and most importantly, be content with your life no matter the season or circumstance. Singleness is not always a simple and easy walk especially when we live in an age where social media is more prevalent than ever before, television shows and movies portray romance after romance, and the constant questions from friends and/or families. For many, singleness is a choice, but for others, like myself, where God is literally keeping us in hiding with no one to pursue [for the guys] or no one pursuing [for the ladies], it can become daunting. However, as I have gotten older, my newfound method when struggling with singleness is not to run to temporary things but to run to God to allow Him to deal with me and my heart, and to also fill that void. I don’t ever want to exit a season prematurely because of my fleeting emotions. As I say to many singles around the world throughout my ministry, you don’t ever want a temporary state of feelings to turn into a season of healing. 

In my forever years as a single (lol), I have learned that there are some important things that you should do regardless of if marriage is on the horizon for you or not. Here it is:

1. Get in relationship with others.
   1. Community is so important. We were never meant to do life alone. No matter what your relationship status is, you need people around you. Scripture tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend,” (Proverbs 27:17). Wisdom, discernment, and knowledge all sharpens when you surround yourself with good people. They may not have walked in the exact shoes that you have walked in but they can give you a new perspective that you would have never seen or thought of on your own. Community can increase your overall mood, help you find yourself, and give you a sense of purpose in life. You want people who will root for you and always have your back but in the same token, always be real, honest, and transparent with you. Having meaningful friendships, especially ones where Christ is rooted at the center, can save you from a lot of heartbreak and relationship damage. You do not need to be married to live a fruitful life but you do need community in order to do so. Never isolate yourself as that is the best way for the enemy to get a stronghold over you. If you are lacking even 2-3 really good, godly friends, pray. Ask God for it. He will answer. If you are single, it is equally as important to have godly married friends (of the same sex) and to also have single friends (also of the same sex). Be careful of having friends of the opposite sex as that can create emotional ties that can eventually lead to other ties (e.g. sex). 
2. Get in relationship with God.
   1. Apart from God, we can do nothing. Literally. (John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”). We need God in our everyday walk. When we put our trust in Him, He will order our footsteps (Psalm 37:23-24 “​​The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.”). He will show you the way in which you should take. He will also give you the wisdom in how to navigate your single life, and how to be at peace in it. As I invited God into this area of my life, He brought people along the way who have helped me and showed me how to live a fulfilling life as a single. He showed me the beauty in my own singleness. He’s opened doors of opportunities so that I can keep myself busy [in a healthy way] as I continued to walk in my purpose and answer my calling. Where I am today in life as a satisfied 28 year old single is truly because of God. He gets all of the credit and the glory. He has given me beauty for my ashes, joy when mourning comes, and praise in the time of heaviness (Isaiah 61:3). He can do the same for you if you let Him in. He wants nothing more than to have a relationship with you so that you can be all that He has created you to be, give you all that He wants to bless you with, and experience true love and happiness regardless of marriage. 
3. Hobbies
   1. Whether you are single or married, your life should not solely involve a 9-5. Even when married [or simply in a relationship], you should still have something going for you and only you. What is it that you like to do? Is it dance, draw/paint, act, pottery, sing, make music [beats], exercise, write, or cook/bake? Do you like pilates, kickboxing, zumba, yoga, or cycling? Is it making jewelry, doing nails, or fixing things? Is it serving at a local school, community, or church? Is it playing an instrument, swimming, or being some sort of life coach? There are a plethora of things on this planet that you can do on the side away from your daily job that is stress-free and absolutely fun. Your hobby is yours. It is where you can be selfish and focus solely on you. If you are single and have yet to find something to do after work and/or weekends, I encourage you to get on the internet, once you know exactly what you want to do, and see what it is in your town. Research. Visit. And then commit. Even as a couple, there is nothing more attractive than each individual having time away from each other weekly to rejuvenate and be refreshed. I believe that this would aid in making the union stronger and healthier between husband and wife. 
4. Finances
   1. What does your finances look like as a single? If you struggle with saving, have unhealthy spending habits, rack up credit card bills [and not being intentional about paying it off], then you are heading down a slippery slope especially if you have no intentions on trying to manage it. Financial struggles will only get harder when you are married. If you do not have a handle on your finances now as a single, then what would it look like in marriage, especially when children are involved? My mother always use to say, “Live within your means.” Annie Sue may be making 6 figures [and possibly even 5 figures] and is able to afford to go out of the country yearly for vacation. You, on the other hand, may also be making 5 figures but you have other responsibilities. Your vacation may only be to the next state over for a few days without putting yourself in debt, and let me be the first to tell you that that is okay. You will get there one day where you can afford to travel out the country if that is your heart’s desire but for now, being a wise spender, you realize that that cannot happen. It sucks indeed but if it means making sure you are financially stable and are experiencing financial freedom, then rejoice. We never know what someone’s financial lifestyle looks like. They can well be going on all of these vacations every year and “living the life” but they are in debt on every credit card. Getting a hold on your finances, sowing into your retirement and savings fund, tithing, and being faithful at the job God has placed you in will lead to the best freedom you can experience regardless of your salary. God will always meet you where you are at in your finances. You just have to invite Him in and ask Him for help.
5. Heal
   1. Healing is not a fun, overnight journey. It takes consistency, vulnerability, humility, honesty, transparency, openness, and discipline. It requires work, faith, trust, and forgiveness [to self and others]. You may shed a lot of tears, you may scream, you may even feel a lot of heartache and pain. It is one of those journeys that you will have to commit to so that change can happen and a better you can come forward. The outcome? The next generation does not have to be raised based on unhealed wounds, trauma, and hurt. You will be giving the next generation the freedom to move and live life to the fullest. Your marriage will be based on the foundation of wholeness. How beautiful would it be to marry someone who has also gone through the process of healing? Someone who understands brokenness and what unhealed areas in their lives can do especially to the ones you love the most? Someone who is willing to put the work in because they put the work in within themselves and saw a beautiful transformation? 
   2. As a single, you are able to clearly see the areas that you need to work on within yourself without any distraction and influence of a partner. When those weaknesses arise, don’t beat yourself up over it. Be kind and patient towards yourself. You’re going to keep falling but the most important thing is that you get back up. You don’t allow defeat or failure to win. Ask God to help you. You cannot and will not change on your own. You need God to transform you. You may see ugly but God sees nothing but beauty. You may have hurt people along the way but that doesn’t mean that it’s over. You serve a God who is a redeemer and a restorer, and He wants to be that for you [amongst other things]. Let Him do a mighty work in you so that if and when the time of marriage comes, you can operate out of healing and not brokenness. 
   3. If people continuously bring up your past and constantly remind you of your patterns, you leave them in the hands of God. I know it hurts because you are trying to move forward but keep your head up. God sees how much you want to change. He knows your heart better than anyone else. He will help you. Instead of focusing on all that negative, focus on how big your God is and what a powerful work He can do in you as you surrender.
   4. Marriage does not heal you. If anything, it exposes your unhealed wounds at a greater and deeper level. That is why using this time as a single to heal is vital. Whether you need to seek out therapy, a pastor, a trusted friend or family member, do yourself a huge favor and heal.
6. Content & Grateful
   1. Philippians 4:12 writes, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Paul is reminding believers to be happy no matter the season, circumstance, and in this case, relationship status. The best way to do so is by staying off social media when you can, remain in the present, reflect and write down all that God has done in your life within the past 6 months [every closed and open door because it is being used for your good regardless of if you see it that way now], work on your vision board, and excel at the tasks in front of you. God has done so much for you and if you can take your eyes off your relationship status for just a moment, you can see exactly what God sees. You are blessed. You are favored. You are more than a conqueror!

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