#1 Advice for Singles Q&A

The below conversation came from Kassia, a now dear friend of mines who had reached out to me. Parts of the conversation were left out for privacy reasons.

K: Hi Ali, am I able to message you on this Instagram page? I need some advice on my singleness.

A: Hi! You definitely can! What’s going on?

K: So, I wanted to see what are some ways to overcome being numbness to my singleness?

A:What do you mean by numbness? Is it that you’re tired of being single?

K: Basically. And that sometimes I feel like I have to fight my emotions in becoming okay to being single for the rest of my life, when knowing deep deep inside that I know I want to be married one day.

A: Got it. So I want to ask you a few questions and it is totally up to you if you want to answer. I just want to get a sense of who you are if that’s okay.

K: Oh yea, that’s totally fine.

A: How old are you? And have you ever dated or been in a serious committed relationship?

K: I’m 24. And no I’ve never been in a relationship nor have I ever dated. And still a virgin. That’s actually why your Tik Tok video resonates so big with me.

A: Wowww I thought I was the only one and I have always felt ashamed and embarrassed about that. I have to say thank you for reaching out personally and talking with me. That means a lot to me. Have you always wanted to date/be in a relationship?

K: Girl, no! You aren’t the only one, I feel like if virginity was celebrated in the church, then it wouldn’t be so shameful to say I’m still a virgin. I’m a believer and come from a family of believers. And yes, I’ve always wanted to be in a relationship. In fact, God gives me visions sometimes to see like here recently, I saw how I would be proposed to in my family’s dining room during a meal. So there’s little droplets of visions. It’s just sometimes it gets really hard to continue to believe that it’ll happen. And of course! I’m glad that I reached out, cause I need more Christian friends in my life who have the same perspective.

A:I completely understand about it getting hard to believe that I’ll happen. God is giving you those visions so that you can hold on. Those are His promises to you during this waiting season… it’s not a lot of Christians who walk the way we do with wanting to remain pure until marriage, and that’s what makes this journey really hard at times. One of the best ways to help you during this season of singleness is to surround yourself with godly people who share the same values, goals, and mindset as you. You want friends around you that will encourage, not discourage, you on your path of singleness. Friends that will steer you back to Christ and remind you of the promises God gave you when you want to give up because you’re just so tired. Friends that will cover you in prayer when you choose not to listen and go out with that guy for example when you know deep down you shouldn’t. You want friends who will help you protect your purity. Maybe it’s only one friend. And that is totally okay. You just have to make sure that friend is someone of the same sex.

Many times when I don’t have anyone to talk too or don’t feel like reaching out because I know that they are busy or feel like they are tired of hearing me talk about my struggles, I go to God. When I tell you there have been so many moments when I would just sit and cry because it was tough, it was. And I would cry before God and He strengthens me to continue on this journey. God knows our hearts. The longings and desires that we have. Maybe you don’t have anyone to turn too when the struggles and temptation get real. I believe that God will bring you that friend if you ask Him.

It was by no accident that we connected! God allowed it to happen for a reason.

K: Girl, this is me!! I was little crying this past weekend, crying out to God quietly in my room. And you’re right, I need to surround myself with other friends who value the same as I do. Thank you so much girl! And we definitely should connect sometime, I think that’ll be dope to just talk.

A: Do you have anyone in your circle? Of friends that share the same values etc. as you?

K: Just 1 friend, she’s 25. That’s about it, besides my family. Lol

A: Lol gurl that is all you need! Too make cooks in the kitchen will definitely not help you at all. When you’re struggling in your singleness, whether it’s wanting to have sex or wanting to just be with someone b/c you’re tired of feeling alone, do you communicate that with your friend or do you keep that to yourself?

K: Primarily to myself, because I don’t want to be the one who talks about singleness all the time. But I do talk about it sometimes.

A: That’s so good that you can do that with her. I’m always here if you want/need to talk about anything. Even if it’s about topics that many find uncomfortable. Nothing is off limits for me. What we [generically speaking] need is to have more open and honest conversations. It will save thousands of people.

….

And the conversation continued over a span of days. Kassia and I continued to talk and we ended up getting to know alot more about each other which was awesome. Kassia always did monthly Bible studies with one of her friends and invited me to join on. I definitely could not decline the invite. The path of purity and singleness is not the easiest to walk but connecting with others is a great way to help on the journey.

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