Encounters Around My Virginity

If you know me, I am a honest person. I never lie about who I am and who God created me to be. I do not openly parade that I am a virgin, but when asked, I am upfront. I have always told the truth about my relationship and sex status, and many times, telling that truth has often left me feeling insecure and alone. I want to share some of my encounters that I have experienced around my virginity. (Click here to check out my virginity story!) Because I have been journaling for the past few years, I was able to record in great detail the encounters that took place. These encounters that I share below do have context around it but for the purpose of this blog, I will keep it short and concise.

January 2017– I had gone to my primary care physician because I was breaking out all over my face. I knew that it was because of the stress with my college courses. In the exam room, the nurse came in to check my vitals and update my chart as usual on the computer. She asked what brought me in today, and I told her that I was breaking out due to the stress from school, and wanted to know what can be done to help with the scarring on my face. She asked me if I knew what the best thing was to help alleviate my stress. I told her no. She turned around in the chair, got up, looked at me, and said, “Sex. Sex is one of the best ways to relieve stress. It helps to loosen you up and relieve the tension. You’re like on cloud 9 if it is done right.” I asked her what are some other healthy options to help, and she asked me what’s wrong. I told her that having sex would not work because I am a virgin and that I plan on waiting until marriage. She took a step back with her mouth opened. She did not know what to say. She offered no other “great” suggestions to help me with my problem. She did throw in a few things that I could do here and there, but she was not as confident and enthusiastic with the suggestions as she was when she mentioned sex. Later on that evening when I came back to the doctor office’s after hours to pick up something, the nurse broadcasted to those that were in the room that I was a virgin and she laughed about it. She asked if I drank or smoked. I said no. She jokingly stated that I am such a prude and that I needed to get out more.

June 2019– I went to the ob/gyn for an annual visit. After the nurse did the basics, the doctor came in, did her routine, and finished up with stating that everything looked good. She then asked if I wanted to take any tests. Tests that were specific to those who are sexually active. I told her no. She asked if I was sure. I stated yes. She then asked if I was sexually active. I told her no. She asked when was the last time I had sex. I said I never did. She asked if I was a virgin, and I told her yes. She stood there in complete silence for a few minutes. It was awkward in the room especially because the nurse was standing there, eyes wide, not knowing what to say herself. The doctor then asked, “You said that you were a virgin?” I told her yes. I was extremely uncomfortable at this point. She explicitly stated, “I am quite shocked. It is very uncommon today to be a virgin. You just don’t find virgins anywhere anymore.” I could tell that she, along with the nurse, felt embarrassed for me.

July 2019– I was having a conversation with a coworker of mines. He was someone that I knew from being on the job for a few years now. We were on the topic of relationships and he wanted to know my story. I told him that there is no story to share because I never dated. He stated that I was lying because he saw how guys “wanted” me. No matter what I said, he did not believe me. He had paused for a second and then out of no where, he asked if I was a virgin. Before he even got the word out, I told him yes. He asked me a couple of times just to make sure he heard correctly. He was really taken aback. I asked him what he thought all of this time. He stated that he thought I was not a virgin because no one is, especially in these days. He based his assumption on every female that he had come into contact with in the past who were not one. He stated that he has never met one. He was surprised but then also not surprised because he stated that it made sense with who I am and how I carry myself.

January 2020– I was at a training for work, and a colleague and I were talking about regular stuff. The conversation ended up on relationships and she preceded to tell me about the last guy that she dated. She had asked me if I had a boyfriend and I told her no. She asked me when was my last relationship, and I told her that I had never been in one. She looked completely shocked. She then asked, “You never had a boyfriend?” I explained to her that I never been in a relationship nor have I ever dated. She looked speechless as if she did not know what to say next. She quietly asked, “Wait, are you still a virgin?” I replied, “Yes.” The look on her face was priceless. It was as if I told her the strangest thing, which I probably did. She stated that she never knew virgins still existed. She was not a virgin, and she seemed proud about it. She asked why and how. I could not give her the entire answer as to why because I knew that she would not have understood the path that God has placed me on. Many don’t. She would not have understood if I told her that God desires for me to wait, and that He does not want me to date around or be in multiple relationships, and I want to honor Him in that.

August 2020– I was visiting some family. My sisters, some of my cousins, and I were outside relaxing. We have not seen each other in so long so we were catching up, seeing what was new in each other’s lives. I did not say much because for those who had talked before me, a lot of what they said centered around who they were dating, who they were in a relationship with, and their pretty much active sex life. One cousin I guess noticed that I was not saying much so she preceded to ask me some specific, direct questions. She asked if she could and I said yes. She asked if I was seeing anyone, and I told her no. She asked when was my last relationship, and I told her that I never been in one. She asked my age again for clarity purposes because it seemed as if what I was saying did not make any sense, especially for someone my age. She asked me some other questions. It was easy for me to tell that she, just like everyone else present, wanted to know the golden answer but was either afraid to ask or was beating around the bush just to be polite. I could easily tell that they wanted to know more so I just told them. “Yes, I am a virgin.” The minute I said that, you would have seriously thought somebody died. Everyone was silent. You could literally hear a pin drop.

As you can see, I never really saw the beauty of such a sacred gift because no one held on to it, and quite frankly, it was a gift that received many shocked and uncomfortable reactions. It was a gift that seemly left me feeling scrutinized, ridiculed, and ostracized. If I could go back in time, I would have wished that I was much more confident in being set apart so that when people questioned me, it would not have bothered me. Because of my low self-esteem during those seasons, people’s reactions got to me. I have cried a lot because of that feeling of being alone and laughed at. However, looking back through all the years, I am happy that God kept me hidden. I am happy that I am a virgin because one day, I know that I will be able to give my husband something that I never gave to another man. I am at peace knowing that I am choosing to walk in purity even if no one else does.

The reason why I am sharing some of my encounters is to show you that when God made you, He made you to be different. He made you to be rare and unlike anyone else. Everyone else is taken so be you. Embrace your difference. That is what makes you special. You are beautiful. You are handsome. If you fall in love with all of you, others will too.

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