It’s All A Part of God’s Plan

Ever since last year, but moreso this year, I have been growing weary in my singleness. The pain of loneliness and the tears of sadness would constantly overtake me. When I was in my early 20s, I had the desire to be married and have children (at least one) by no later than age 27/28. 

When I started this ministry, SingleChronicles7, at 25 years old in September 2020, I was still very much single but I also was beginning to feel content in my singleness. I loved my singleness and took that step of faith to share my journey with you here on my website and through my other platforms (e.g. TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Pinterest). I enjoyed pouring into my ministry, encouraging others from all over the world to embrace their singleness and to trust God no matter the state or season that they are in. 4 years in and God has moved in miraculous ways through SingleChronicles7.

However, the journey of singleness has not always been easy and lately, it has become harder and harder at age 29 to walk my season of singleness with confidence, boldness, authority, and full of peace. I have been feeling so insecure and incompetent, wondering,  “When God when?” Negative thoughts would flood my mind and rather than fight it off, I would allow it to take root. The things people would say would manifest in my head and take a life on its own. 

“You’re intimidating, hence why guys don’t ask you out.”

“You can be unapproachable.”

“You’re too hard.”

“You never been on a date or a relationship?! Why not?” (As if it has always been my choice to be single).

“You’re getting older and still no prospects in sight?”

“What are you doing?/ What are you not doing?”

“You’re too beautiful to be single.”

“It doesn’t make sense as to why no one has ever asked you out. Try putting yourself out there more.”

The comments, the questions, the disbelief looks… it never ends. I know that God loves me and I know what He says over me, for me, and about me, but it has been so hard. Even with the thoughts that left me filled with shame and embarrassment, can I tell you how sovereign God still is? Even when I would question Him and get mad at Him for not allowing me to have any positive experiences dating and/or being in a relationship, God continued to hide me. He did not allow me to fall. I do not have a desire to sleep around, to drink, to smoke, to entertain guys who hit on me, or to put myself in places just to “be found”. I do not use social media to “get” guys nor do I use my social outings to do so. Even through it all, God has still been keeping me, and if you are reading this today, He is also keeping you.

One thing that God is reminding us today is that we are set apart. He created us for such a time like this. He knew that feelings of discontentment would come and yet, He continues to help us navigate this season in a world that is so “pro-couple”. It is not fun nor is it easy being the “odd one” in the friend group, at work, attending baby showers and weddings, and at family events. The one who barely has a resume in the dating/relationship world and still has to stand tall and act like everything is all good when in reality, there is that feeling of anxiety and depression regarding singleness. However, that is exactly how God designed our life to be. This, all of this, being very much single, has always been a part of God’s plan for our lives way before we were formed in our mother’s womb. Jeremiah 1:5 tells us that, ““I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations (NLT).” The Message version puts it this way: “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations— that’s what I had in mind for you.”

God actually mapped out our lives where we would be single for a set time. It is not a surprise that no one is approaching you, asking you out, or that you have never in your life been in a relationship or on a romantic date. It is crazy. It is taboo in the world’s eyes, but to God, it’s beautiful in His because you are trusting Him especially when all you want to do is give up and take matters into your own hands. (And even if you did but you came back, that is also beautiful to God).

Your singleness today is working for you and not against. Yes you feel healed, you feel ready, you did the work to better yourself, and you know who you are in Christ but that does not mean that it is time for God to release you out of your singleness. All things work together for good (Romans 8:28). Your singleness is actually working in your favor and even though you are feeling so discouraged and weak in it, I want to remind you of God’s grace. It is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). His strength is made perfect in your weakness. 

Do not allow how you feel about your singleness today to pull you away from what God is doing in your life. Let Him comfort you. He knows exactly what He is doing and through the tears, you just have to trust the process. 

If you are struggling in your singleness today, know that you are not alone. If it becomes too much, reach out to a trusted friend. Be okay with seeking out therapy. Open up your Bible and find that one scripture to meditate on to renew your faith. But whatever you do, do not give up on your singleness. You are EXACTLY where God wants you to be in this season of your life. 

Continue walking out your calling, going after your dreams, accomplishing your goals, and working on you. Hold on to God’s unchanging hand. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever more. His plans for your life are to prosper you and to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). He will never allow the righteous to be forsaken (Psalm 55:22). He is with you always. 

*This blog post was written at 12:46am. I could not sleep so I decided to stay up and watch television rather than stay in bed and toss and turn and allow my thoughts to overtake me. And while being up, God spoke this very word to me. I was in tears earlier because of how hard being single has been. I have been in tears these past few days if I am honest with you. And through it, God spoke. And that is why I say, go to Him. Pour your heart out. When you are honest and transparent with God, only then can He begin to work to comfort you and bring healing to your mind. God needs you to hold on just a little bit longer. He is not done writing your love story. Breathe and allow Him to finish. It will be a story that will bless the generations to follow because of your obedience.

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