A 32 Year Old Virgin’s Story

To be 32 years old and a virgin is not the norm in today’s society. However, it demonstrates value and integrity when you walk with God. God is so awesome. Through my platform, God has allowed me to meet some amazing people who have shared their stories with me personally, and I pray that one day, they will allow me to share it publicly. With permission, a woman that I met, who I now consider such a good friend of mine, has allowed me to share her story. Her name is Alicia.

How it all began:

A dear friend of mine from my internship program had reached out to me a little over a month ago and shared that she enjoyed reading my blog, and had a close friend of hers that she would like me to connect with because she felt as if we had so much in common. The friend reached out to me via Facebook Messenger and we hit it off right away. She asked about what made me start a blog, and I shared my story with her. I shared my struggles and my shortcomings around my virginity and things that I’ve battled with. She understood everything that I was saying because one thing that she wrote back that stood out to me was, “Girl, I’m about to be 32 and I’m a virgin so trust me, I know.” When I saw that message, my eyes got so big. I literally screamed, “Omg!!!!!” Tears welled in my eyes at that moment because I knew that God was answering a prayer of mine that I had prayed for years. I’ve always wanted to meet someone like me because I couldn’t find it in my immediate circle. I never knew another virgin could exist because of the kind of society we live in where sex is everywhere. I couldn’t believe that there was someone older than me out there who was choosing to wait. It’s nice to have older, more experienced, and more seasoned people around you to encourage you on your journey, but it’s nothing like having someone who is in the same exact boat as you. Someone who understands every craving, every desire, every temptation. Someone who also never had what you never had and yet has found a way to still hold on. Someone who went through or is currently going through what you are going through now.

What I began to admire about Alicia is that she was very open, honest, and explicit. She told me to ask her whatever it is that I wanted and I sure did! (I will definitely share some of the questions that I asked her in a later blog because I know I am not the only one!) . My first question to Alicia was, “What made you decide to wait to have sex until marriage?” This is what she shared:

“I understand what it means to be the black sheep in any social situation. Where people make fun of you and make certain comments because you are a virgin. Or even when people think that because you are a virgin, you don’t know anything such as intimacy or how to flirt. I’ve had some people think that I don’t have any cravings or sexual desires because I never had sex but c’mon. I’m human just like you. I have hormones just like you. I feel things. I want to have sex and sometimes, it gets so bad. It takes a lot of self-control to wait it out because it is definitely hard.

What really made me decide to wait was for a few reasons. REASON #1: When I was younger, one of my Sunday School teachers told me that when you have sex with someone, and that person is not married to you, that person has a piece of you. They take a piece of you during that intimate moment. Now if you have sex with five different guys, you’re giving five different guys a piece of you. Everything is a piece. By the time you get married, pieces of you are gone. Pieces that you will never be able to get back….That right there always stuck with me. I would be like, “Ummm I don’t want pieces of myself going around with people and ten years later, they still got a piece of me.” They got something before my husband got it. I definitely don’t want that.

REASON #2: It became real to me when I went away to college and saw girls having sex with different guys. Those same guys would have sex with different girls. These guys would cheat on their girls and the girls would flip. They would go crazy. Fighting other girls at parties. Following the guys. I would just watch, and that is how I realized that this, having sex with someone who is not your husband, is all spiritual. The guy spiritually has a piece of that girl he just laid with. That girl spiritually has a piece of that guy she just laid with. You wonder why you can’t get over a person you just had sex with? Because sex is not just physical. Your bodies aren’t the only thing connecting and people don’t realize that. If I chose to have sex with a guy, he would literally and spiritually have a piece of me that is binded to him, and I don’t want to bind with anybody that is not going to marry me and be with me for the rest of my life... I realized from then that that is when it solidified that this is more than just physical. This is the reason why God said to not have sex before marriage. God knows what He’s talking about.

Here’s an analogy: Think of friendships. Think of how we connect spiritually in friendships. and how our spirits bind in friendships and we’re not even sleeping together. Male to male friendship. Female to female friendship. There are some friendships that are long lasting and your spirit connects. You’re binding in that friendship and that is why when there is a disagreement or y’all are no longer friends, it cuts you deeply. When you have a friend, you can feel them hurting without them explicitly stating much, so imagine when you lay with somebody and they are literally inside of you. You are coming together in the spiritual realm and that is why when you no longer talk to that person you had sex with, you have such a difficult time moving on. You can start dating someone else, but it still won’t take that pain away. And forget it if you sleep with another person to take that pain away without fully healing from the last person. This is all a soul tie. A tie that could take years to break even if you just slept with one person. I don’t want to enter my marriage knowing that someone else saw all of me before my husband, and I don’t want to enter my marriage knowing that someone else saw all of my husband before me. And if that happens, tremendous healing from God needs to take place. Because soul ties from previous people need to be broken.

That is why I am waiting. I want it. Trust me, I really really do but it’s not worth giving myself to someone who is not my husband.. The idea of having someone touch me who isn’t God ordained and isn’t mine doesn’t sit too well with me.”

Hearing Alicia’s story truly warmed my heart because it was God’s reminder to let me know that I am not alone. It is okay to wait it out and be proud of it. If you are also in wait, there is a reason. I am here to tell you that there is no need to feel insecure about who God created you to be because you never 1) had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, 2) never really kissed anyone, or 3) never had sex. God wants you to be different so that you can share your story like Alicia. Like Alicia said, God knows full well what He is doing. God allowed that rejection to happen from that person that you liked because He wants to keep you hidden. He doesn’t want you physically, spiritually, or emotionally binded to someone that is not assigned to your destiny. My prayer is that by sharing Alicia’s story encourages you to share yours. You don’t realize how many people you can reach, help, and bless by sharing it. Don’t allow the enemy to win by keeping you in silence or by making you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your story. So much healing, freedom, and restoration will come your way when you release it. Try it. If it worked for me, I believe it will work for you!

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