Dating With Purpose & Clear Intentions
The older I get, the more I understand the ins and outs of what makes a successful relationship last. Learning through friends and family as well as watching and listening to couples has helped me in my own journey. Whether you date recreationally [not looking for anything serious, no intent on marriage] or date intentionally [taking it seriously, intent to potentially marry the person you are dating], please, for the sake of everyone’s heart, let this be known from the jump. However you want to date is totally up to you but make sure it is clearly stated so that there is no confusion and both parties are on the same page. When God opens the door for me to date, I am realizing that I want to date more with intentions than recreationally. I did not make this decision based on my age but moreso based on my values. Here I share with you a few things that I desire in a relationship.
The number one thing that I desire for my relationship is a firm foundation built on Christ. When I sit back and think about all that God has done for me, the storms that He has calmed in my life, how He forgave and redeemed me from my mistakes, how He never withheld His hand of blessings from me, how He surrounded me with His love and comfort when I felt alone, how He answered my prayers, how He has healed me from past hurt, how He has opened doors and even closed doors… I refuse to do a relationship without Him. The reason that I am here today with such a peace of mind and contentment in my heart is because of Him. I know that having a personal relationship with God makes all the difference in the world. That relationship with God will teach you how to love. You won’t truly know how to love someone if you have never received and experienced the love of God for yourself. You won’t truly know how to love someone if you haven’t learned to love yourself first. In addition, that relationship with God will teach you humility. Sometimes putting your difference to the side can literally save your relationship. Being one with God will teach you to forgive, how to be patient, how to exercise self control, and to be slow to speak and anger, and rather quick to listen. Knowing who God is, how He operates, and how He sees you as His son or daughter teaches you how to treat others. Having a spouse who understands the power of scripture and how to pray is so important to me. Why? Because I know that you will not retreat with the enemy comes. You will be able to stand tall with the full armor of God [Ephesians 6:10-18].
In addition, living a life that reflects God and His Word brings such light to this dark world. Why add to the darkness when you can be the light? Why would you not want to be with someone who is a light? We are all imperfect beings, sinning daily. However, involving God in your daily decision making and walking in obedience lets me know that you are able to deny your flesh even when it hurts. You are able to stand on your own even when you do not get the applause of man. I want you to know that if the person that has interest in you does not have a personal relationship with God, that is a red flag. Don’t try to convince and change the person to want God. Not your job to do so! You keep living your life and being who God called you to be. He will bring the right person alongside you who also lives for Him.
The second thing that I desire for my relationship is being equally yoked. As they say, opposites do attract and I believe that to be true in so many ways. However, opposite lifestyles do not. I have asked my friends and sisters when is the right time to ask those big questions such as, “Do you ever want to get married?”, “Do you want children?”, “Do you go to church?”, “Are you close with your family?”, “What do you do for a living?”, “Do you see yourself with me?”, etc. Many of the responses that I got were to wait for the right time. Take it slow and enjoy the time. You don’t want to scare the person away. As much as I value their answers, I know that asking these questions early on will save you from heartbreak. Although I have never been asked out on a date, there have been a few guys in my life who have been interested, and because of their interest, I have let them know early on what I am about. I open the floor for that conversation to happen during the friendship stage way before a potential date could happen because I don’t want to play games. I want to know if our lifestyles will mesh well or be a repellent against each other. Did having this kind of conversation prevent guys from asking me out? 100000% yes! Did it hurt? Yes. But I was always able to move past it and be proud of myself for it. These conversations weed out the ones that are not for you so that you are not giving a piece of yourself away each and every time you meet someone.
The third thing that I desire for my relationship goes past looks, connections, and attraction. Indeed I want to be very much attracted to my husband and connect with him in every way but that is just surface level. I want to dig deep. I want to know that you have your own goals and passions. I want you to be ambitious in life, and go after the things that you want with dedication, consistency, and discipline. I want you to be independent in terms of finding things that interest you. I want you to want to set a positive and healthy example for the next generation and the generations to follow. I want you to want to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. You are the best version of yourself when you look past the superficial and truly learn who you are. Your likes and dislikes, and who you are as a person are important!
It is important to know what you want when you begin dating. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything that looks and sounds good. That is why I stress the importance of your singleness. You will learn how to be clear with your intentions and interact with the opposite sex, especially if they like you or you like them, with purpose. You can save yourself from a lot of emotional pain if you move through life with this perspective. I always tell myself that I would rather be single my entire life than to be with someone for the sake of saying that I am with someone just because “I like them” or “they like me”. It’s not worth it. I am content with my singleness because I have asked God to help me in this area over and over again. He has given me so much wisdom and knowledge on how to do relationships in my singleness. When love and marriage comes my way, I want to be a whole and healed individual. And I pray that that is your desire as well.
I believe the best marriages are the ones that contain two completely single, healed individuals walking in their purpose, knowing full well who they are in Christ and Christ alone.
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