Feeling Like an Outcast as a Christian, a Single, and a Virgin

Have you ever felt different from your social group? If your answer is yes, then I say we have more in common than most. I went out a few weeks ago with some ladies and as the evening drew on, I noticed that I was becoming more and more quiet, and just about ready to go home. The topics of the conversation involved birth control, boyfriends and relationships, sex, and seeing a psychic medium. Not my topics of choice at all. The ladies were invested in knowing about the best birth control and what the other uses. Me? No experience and minimal knowledge when it comes to birth control so I remained quiet. Relationships came up. Although I was not the only single one in the group, I was the only one who was not having sex and never had sex before so again, I remained quiet. Two of the ladies had discussed their experience with a psychic medium and although everyone else in the group was so interested and had wanted to know more, I was not. Seeing a psychic medium involves witchcraft and I do not mess with that especially because of my beliefs.

After sitting quietly for a little over an hour, smiling here and there, and chiming in with small comments, I was ready to go. On my drive home, I began to cry because that feeling of feeling like an outcast was not new to me. I would never forget in high school when one of the guys in my guy’s friend group was having a get together with my girls group and some others at his house. I was invited but I declined the invitation. One day after lunch on our way back to the school (in my high school, we got to go out of the school for lunch in 11th and 12th grade), the guy had asked me in front of everyone why I couldn’t go and before I said anything, he asked, “Is it because of Bible study?” Everybody started laughing. I made up some excuse as to why I couldn’t but deep down, I felt horrible, embarrassed, and ashamed. The real reason I couldn’t go was because my parents did not approve of me going over some guy’s house. To add insult to injury, when one of my really good friends whom I grew up with ended up losing her virginity when we made a pact to wait, I wasn’t the first person she talked to about it. She talked to another mutual friend of ours before coming to me.

I have struggled my entire life with trying to fit in. I didn’t have anyone else to talk to on my drive home so I talked to God through the tears. I told Him how difficult it is being a Christian, never experiencing what dating and/or being in a relationship is like, and still being a virgin. I told Him how it makes me feel so embarrassed and ashamed for having these qualities on my “resume” because I was always the only one. No, I never swayed on my beliefs or values but moments like these always made me want to walk the other way. I honestly could not stop crying in the car because that feeling of feeling alone and not having any close friends broke my heart. All I ever wanted was to fit in. To have friends who shared the same values and beliefs as me. I don’t have that around me and that is what makes me sad many times.

That evening, God reminded me of His journey here on Earth. Despite having disciples, Jesus was often alone and even felt alone as He went forth in ministry. He was tempted, laughed at, mocked, ostracized, and despite it, He managed to keep His head up and continue on the journey. Jesus was human. I know that He had to cry. I am pretty sure there were moments where He wanted to give up but I know that He looked to God to strengthen Him and encourage Him. He allowed God to fill the broken, hurt areas of His life and heart and through that, He managed to leave a legacy behind that is still talked about centuries later. He walked in obedience and because of His faithfulness, we can live a fruitful and fulfilling life knowing that no matter what, we are loved and forgiven.

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