How To Move On From A Person, Habit, Or Addiction

There may have been moments in your life where you found it difficult to move on because of the hurt from a person, or ongoing habit or addiction. You want to move on, and you have tried, but have found yourself often saying, “God, I can’t seem to move on. The hurt is too much. I can’t seem to get over [name] and how their actions and their words affected me in such a negative way. When I see {name], the hurt resurfaces, and even when I don’t see [name], the hurt is still there.” Or, “God, I am trying so hard to break this habit or this addiction. I have tried to move forward but it seems like with every step I take forward, I end up taking 20 steps back.” Can you relate? If this has been you, you came to the right blog today. I have such an awesome word that can bring some form of healing to you. This word may not be applicable for all, but for some, I can give you some insight into why it may have been hard for you to move on.

The first step is to look at the strategies that you have been doing to try to help you move forward. Are the strategies healthy and purposeful where you are taking the time alone to heal, to join groups that are geared towards overcoming whatever battle that you are facing, or attempting to seek out help from a friend, trusted adult, or professional? Or are the strategies temporary fixes to numb the pain such as getting back into the dating scene right after a bad break up, drinking, smoking, partying, or allowing yourself to always be busy so that you don’t have time to deal with the issue(s) upfront? Are you trying to avoid the person who has hurt you at all cost, even if it means physically putting yourself out of the way such as finding a new job, going to a new church, walking a different direction, deleting every picture and text, or completely ignoring the person? Did you develop a bad habit such as overeating or shopping excessively?

If you really begin to look at the strategies that you have been doing to help you move on, and you are completely honest with yourself, you may realize that what you have been doing is not truly working if the hurt is still there or if the habit or the addiction resurfaced. What you have been doing is numbing the pain, and you’ve been doing a good job at it. The reason why what you have been doing has not been working is because you are doing it in your own strength. You are trying to heal on your own. You are trying to move forward on your own. You are trying to stop that bad addiction or habit on your own. You are leaving out the one and only person who can help. Ladies and gentlemen, that person is God. Hear me when I say that you will never be able to help yourself move on. You will never be able to heal on your own. God is the only one that can heal you and help you move on. He is the only one that can break bondages when you seek Him. He is the only one that can create a new heart out of brokenness. He is the only one that can heal you from a rejection mindset and give you 20/20 vision where you can see things from His perspective. God loves you too much and it hurts Him when you are hurting. It hurts Him when old patterns, behaviors, and negative feelings come back [and you entertain it] when you are desperately trying to get free. All God wants to do for you is to heal you so that you can walk in freedom. You just need to invite Him in.

The second step to healing, overcoming any habit or addiction, and moving forward is by being honest. You have to be honest with your yourself and with God. Honesty is the way to freedom. You have to acknowledge that you are hurt. You have to acknowledge why you are hurt. Stop trying to hide the hurt. You have to acknowledge that you have a bad habit or addiction, and how it is negatively affecting your life. Be explicit and be direct with God. You then need to repent by telling God that you are sorry for leaving Him out of the healing process. Let Him help you. Let Him heal your broken heart. Let Him help you break free from that habit or addiction. Let Him help you move on. So many of you do not realize how powerful God is. He is someone that when He spoke, miracles happened. He said, “Let there be light: and there was light,” (Genesis 1:3). When Jesus, who was God’s son in the flesh, walked this Earth, miracles happened. In Mark 5: 40-43, there was a little girl who many believed was dead. He, “took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old).” In Mark 2:9-12, there was a crippled man that could not walk. So Jesus said to the man, ‘Get up! Pick up your mat and go on home.’ The man got right up. He picked up his mat and went out while everyone watched in amazement. These, my friends, are just a few examples of how powerful His words are.

This same God who spoke worlds into existence and allowed miracles to happen through His Son Jesus when he (Jesus) was on Earth is the same God that lives inside of you through the Holy Spirit. Let Him speak new life into you. When you ask God to heal you, He will answer you. When you ask God to help you break free from that habit or addiction, He will. When you ask God to help you move on, He will do so. I can promise you that because He did it for me. He just needs that invitation. With God, new life happens. Your thought process will change. Your speech will change. The desire to engage in that habit or that addiction will become so bitter. Brokenness will no longer be your portion.

The third step is to forgive. You will not be able to fully move on without forgiveness. Forgive yourself first. Do not be hard on yourself. God is not judging you. He loves you more than anyone could. You made a mistake. You acknowledged your actions. Now forgive yourself. Next, forgive the person who has hurt you. If you are having a hard time forgiving that person, ask God for help. You may not understand why the person has hurt you. But God does. It is okay to ask God, “Why did {name] hurt me?” I believe that God will show you in His timing. Many times, that person who has hurt you did so out of their own hurt and never took the time to fully heal. What God reveals to you may not make sense in the beginning but it will over time. If God forgave you for your mistakes [e.g. by leaving Him out of the healing process], you should forgive the one who has hurt you so that you can heal and be forever free.

You will know that you are healed when that person or that thing does not bother you anymore. If someone brings up the name of the person who has hurt you, and you have 1) a negative reaction (e.g. lash out), 2) you quickly shut that person down from speaking, or 3) a negative feeling rises up inside of you (e.g. anger, bitterness, hurt), you may not be healed. Let God heal you so that you can walk in love and in forgiveness.

You will know that you are healed when you do not crave or desire that habit or that addiction anymore. You will have the strength to not put yourself in those situations where you would be tempted to. However, if the temptation arises, you will allow God to give you a way out, and you will take it.

P.S. When the hurt comes, meditate on scriptures like the one below. Meditate on that truth. In Romans, it states to call things that are not as though they already are. Speak life. Tell yourself, “I am healed.” “I am free.” “I am not bounded by that habit or that addiction.” “I can and I will move forward with God’s help.” You may not believe it in the moment because you are so hurt or because you relapsed, but it is okay. Just start speaking new life to yourself. Your thoughts will eventually begin to line up with your words. And your actions will eventually begin to line up with your thoughts.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” (Psalm 34:18)

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds,” (Psalm 147:3)

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