I Blame The Media! [Story Time]

So you’re reading my title and you may be wondering, “Such a title! What do you mean by that?” Well, let me explain…

Being single should be a joyous and wonderful “state” to be in but for some reason, those who are single see it as otherwise. If you’ve walked the same path that I have, you have probably been blamed for your singleness. Like you’re the reason why you are single. And you know what? That may be the case. You may be choosing to be single in this season of your life for whatever reason and that is more than okay. But for those who never got that choice (e.g. you’ve never been pursued/had someone to pursue, never been asked out or had the opportunity to ask someone out on a date, or never been in a relationship), it appears by everyone else that it is our fault that we are single. I’ve been told that all I do is go to work, go to dance, go to church at times, and go on outings with friends but that is not enough to meet someone. I have to put myself out there by going to social events in order to truly meet someone. I should go on dating apps/sites and give it a try even if I have to pay money for it. The comments go on, and I can promise you, the things that I have been told in order to find “my man” affects me and makes me feel bad about being single many times. It makes me feel as if I am not doing “enough” to be found even though I do so much with my life and enjoy every aspect of it. 

I sat in my bed last week wondering why there is such a pressure to not be single. Yes, I desire a partner but I am not desperate for it. I shouldn’t have to put myself out of my way and out of my comfort zone (social events are not my thing) just to be found. Why is it that people are trying to force me out of my singleness, making me feel bad about it? As I sat on my bed, remaining quiet and still, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. The reason why singleness is often seen as a bad thing is because we were conditioned or as I like to say “brainwashed” as a little child. From as far back as you can remember, you grew up watching television shows and movies that always portrayed a love interest. From Cinderella to The Beauty and the Beast to cartoons like Recess and Hey Arnold to Disney Channel’s The Cheetah Girls and High School Musical to action packed shows like SWAT and The Equalizer. If you really sit and think about it, just about every show that you have watched and indulged in as a little girl or boy to a now teenager or adult has had some form of romance. There were hardly any shows or movies that did not involve it. Therefore, growing up, you believe that a boyfriend (or girlfriend) makes you attractive, desirable, wanted, and beautiful. Having someone pursue you (or someone to pursue) makes you “it” and better off than the ones without. Something was wrong if you were single. 

I cannot speak for guys but as a girl, you pray as you go through schooling that someone likes you. Even better if the person that you like likes you back. Having a romantic interest boosts your confidence and self-esteem. It makes you feel seen and important. It makes you feel desirable and wanted regardless of what kind of home you grew up in. You wanted to have a boyfriend (or girlfriend for the guys). There were no exceptions. Even if it meant compromising your integrity or doing things you had no business doing just to say that you had something with somebody has been and still is the norm. 

I’ve struggled my entire young adult life with being single. I hated it because it left me feeling like something was wrong with me. That I wasn’t good enough or valuable enough to be taken as somebody’s girlfriend. I was liked here and there but not enough for someone to be consistent and pursue. It hurted. That exposure, what I would see in shows and movies, destroyed my confidence as a single. And it didn’t help that there was and still is an enemy who wanted nothing more than to use that to his advantage to further make me feel insecure and unattractive. 

That night while I sat on my bed receiving this revelation, I told myself enough was enough. I was tired and mentally exhausted about fussing and crying about being single. It was to the point where I was making myself physically sick from days of crying and feeling sad. I ended up speaking to a friend that night, sharing with her the revelation. She advised that with this newfound revelation, that I should begin fasting and praying for total and complete healing and freedom. The media kept me in bondage for all of these years. I didn’t realize that I was bound until I gave room for the Holy Spirit to remove the scales off my eyes. 

Since that night, I have indeed begun fasting and praying. A few days in and it hasn’t been easy denying my flesh but I have been feeling much more lighter and confident in my singleness. I have been learning to be at peace with it. I will be turning 30 in a matter of 3 months possibly still very much single but I am coming to terms with that during the fast. My 30th will not be one filled of sorrow but one of joy because God freed me from something that has kept me chained for 29 years. Little by little, I am learning to rest in my singleness. The media still portrays romance, even down to the Christmas movies, however, I will not allow it to discourage me any longer. There is so much more to me than what my current relationship status is. My confidence, beauty, value, and worth is tied to knowing who and whose I am; not a relationship status. 

Wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom, and because the Spirit lives inside of me, I will be forever free!

2 Corinthians 3:17 

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