In the Midst of the Pain, God is Still There

I came home from church yesterday and as I was taking off my jewelry, I just fell to the ground sobbing. My heart was completely broken. This journey of singleness and purity has not been easy. Prior to turning 30 on February 8th, I made a declaration in November 2024 that I will live in my 30s and no longer focus on my relationship status. I will remain joyous, content, and at peace. I may not be in a relationship, married, and/or have children, but God has opened so many new doors of opportunity (e.g. becoming a Step/Dance Team coach, working in a different school district with my ideal population, being asked to be a backup dancer for a live performing artist at their concert, having different groups of friends take me out for my birthday, continuing to excel in my second Masters degree program with a 4.0 GPA to date). God has heard my declaration but so has the enemy, and because of that, the enemy made sure to use that as an opportunity to attack at a greater level. And every chance the enemy got since I turned 30, he used it to his advantage and yesterday, I reached a breaking point.

I cried so much that I had to call out to God for His comfort and His healing. I was sad, disappointed, and beyond frustrated. I’ve talked to friends and family in the past for guidance and encouragement but in that moment, I did not want anyone else but God. No one could truly understand the depth of my sadness but God. I knew that I was exactly where God wanted me to be in this season of my life. I knew that my singleness and purity walk was being used for His kingdom. I said yes to the call and the assignment at 25 years old in September 2020 but did not realize the temptation, the attacks, and the suffering that I would endure over and over again. 

God eventually quieted my spirit enough for me to get up, take a shower, and immediately fall asleep once I got in bed. When I woke up, He reminded me of these very two scriptures:

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

    and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18, NIV).

He heals the brokenhearted

    and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3, NIV).

I meditated on these two scriptures for the rest of the night, and as I did, I felt God’s presence. I felt Him wrap His arms around me and tell me that He is with me and that I am okay. In my weakness, His strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). His strength is what I need to hold onto to carry me through. Because Christ is in me, I am more than enough. 

When I woke up this morning, my spirit was quiet but then the sadness fell upon me. I forced myself out of bed and decided to open up my devotional before I began the day. I did not want to cry anymore. I wanted to stand on those two scriptures in Psalm. And let me tell you, this little act of faith caused God to move in a mighty way because I then saw this particular scripture 3 different times while reading my devotional: Romans 8:28→ All things work together for good…

God wanted to remind me that what I am going through, what you are going through, is working for our good. We may not see it now but one day we will. It is through our suffering that our faith is proven and our strength increases. The journey was never designed to take us out but to develop our character, make us better, and learn how to fully depend on God to meet all needs. 

It may look crazy to continue holding on to the promises of God when the natural circumstances look far from it but the way that God continuously shows up for me, even in the darkest hour, is a reason to hold on. 

I ask you today, “What is your reason for still holding on?” The world may not get it neither will some believers. However, the journey that God has you on was never designed for you, Him, and others. It was specifically designed for you and Him. And at times when the cross becomes too heavy to carry, He will send people assigned to you to help you carry it. God is with you and will never leave you. He is your comforter, helper, redeemer, restorer, waymaker, and so much more. If you are feeling sad, disappointed, frustrated, or overwhelmed today, I encourage you to get in the presence of God. That may mean opening up your Bible or the devotional, reading a godly self-help book, listening to a sermon, or playing worship music for the next hour. Usher in the Holy Spirit. As you move, God moves. Never underestimate the power of our God. No situation is too great for God to handle. Lean on Romans 8:28 and remind yourself that what you are going through in this season of your life is all working for your good. In due season, you will see the manifestation of God’s promises in your life. 

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