My “Resume”

To this day, I would sit and find it so surreal that I have never been actively pursued by a guy. I have only been on one date in my entire life and that was earlier this year, never been in a relationship, and never had a boyfriend. It doesn’t make sense. As a 28 year old with an active social life, so many achievements, and things going for her, it has to be the strangest thing especially in a society like today. At times, if I am honest, I find it almost embarrassing to share such a vague resume when the topic of dating and relationships come about. The looks that I receive. The questions. The no questions. Seeing the wheels in peoples heads turn trying to make sense of this information. It’s quite shocking. I know! There are times when I am blamed (seriously lol) for this mishap. “What are you doing Ali? What are you not doing? Maybe you should go here or go there. Maybe you should keep your purity walk a secret. Maybe you should open yourself up more.” I have and still do get it all. The statements, stares, and questions are absolutely endless.

The way that I find peace in my situation is by changing my perspective. I can dwell on what everyone else says and thinks about my journey, or I can see it from a godly standpoint. Maybe, just maybe, the reason why it hasn’t happened for me as of yet is because God is truly keeping me in hiding. Literally. Because of the anointing that is over my life, I cannot be yoked with just anyone. And because I spent years guy-craving rather than God-craving, God did what was needed and protected me. He needed to do a work all around me, in me, and through me to cleanse me and purify me. I was idolizing guys and the idea of relationships because of my own desperation. I wanted what everyone around me had. I was tired of being the odd one out, the black sheep, the “loner”. I wanted to fit in, to experience romance, and what it meant for a guy to “wine and dine” you. I wanted to receive gifts on Christmas and Valentine’s day. I wanted to have someone to text and call on the regular. No matter how much I wished and prayed for this, it never happened. I was mad at God. I was hurt and beyond discouraged. But that is what true love is. When the things that you pray for does not come to pass in the season that you had hoped for it to happen in, do not see it as a bad thing. God loves you so much that He is protecting you. He would rather you spend the night crying over it than giving in to you. Why? Because it is in the night that you begin to seek Him like never before. It is in the night that you cry out and recognize that you are in need of Him. It is in the night that you open up your Bible, and turn on praise and worship music. It is in the night that you learn who God really is and why He is doing what He is doing in your life. It is in the night that you also learn who the enemy is and spiritual warfare. It is in the night where you begin to understand why God is withholding. Not to harm you but to bless and elevate you when the time is right. He wants to show Himself to you. If God gave you the very thing you prayed for right away, especially if you are not spiritually mature yet, you will idolize it and lose sight of the Savior who blessed you with that answered prayer.

In this season, as I am waiting for my prayer to come to pass, I have learned that even if I may be ready and the guy God has for me is ready, timing is everything to Him. I rather wait on God than go ahead of Him. Therefore, when loneliness, heaviness, discouragement, and sadness hits, rather than look for other things or people to fill the void, I run to God. I honestly tell God to not take me out of this season but to give me the peace, comfort, joy, and strength to make it through. That takes true spiritual maturity and growth to say such a thing!  I don’t ever want to exit a season prematurely because of my emotions or because of the attacks of the enemy. I want to obtain EVERYTHING that God has assigned to me in my singleness so I’ll remain in it until He releases me. 

I know that singleness has its ups and downs however I want to stress the importance of doing for you as a single. What are you doing for you? I know things take money but if you seek God first and give Him the desires of your heart (e.g. wanting to go back to school, starting a business and/or ministry, taking up an extracurricular activity), He will grant them. That’s biblical (Matthew 6:33 & Psalm 37:4). Through prayer and faith, God has opened up the door for me to dance where I take Afro-Caribbean, Contemporary, and Hip-Hop classes weekly; to continue working full time in my career as a school psychologist going into my 5th year (can you believe it?!); to make friends in my hometown of now 4 years and have a very active social life; to birth my own ministry and business; and to still have down time through it all. There are some other things brewing in my life that I cannot wait to share with you in due season! I may not have a husband YET but I can say with 100% confidence that I am content and full in life. God continues doing it for me as I continue running to Him.

People see me as someone who has it all together and to be honest, I do but that’s because I rely heavily on God. I lean on Him to get me through my toughest moments. Many of you who know me know that I have struggled greatly with anxiety and depression but the reason why I can get back up every time it comes upon me is because I know what the Word of God says. I know Who my healer, deliverer, restorer, and chain breaker is. I know the truth and because of that, I will always be free no matter what the enemy tries to do.

If your resume is looking a lot like mine today, I want to encourage you. Don’t allow comparison to steal your joy. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Focus on you and the things that you want to accomplish in life. Make a list and give it to God. The same God who has and still is doing it for me is the same God who will do it for you. You just have to continue allowing Him to be first in your life. Let go of the shame and embarrassment of your own journey. It will never look like someone else’s. Embrace your story. It is making for a powerful testimony. If nothing else, you are becoming stronger and wiser. You are selfish in the sense that not everyone gets to have a seat at your table anymore. You are particular in who you allow in your life and inner circle. You are drawing closer to God and allowing Him to fill your empty cup. You recognize that you are a child of the Most High and because of that, you walk as such. You realize that everything that is happening in your life (e.g. God keeping you in hiding until it’s time) is strategic and a part of His plan for your life. You stand on the scripture that even though things are not making sense and you don’t see how, you know with full confidence that somehow in some way it will all be used for your good (Romans 8:28). Nothing is ever wasted by God.

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