Single Season Mistakes

I think it is safe to say that as singles, we make a lot of mistakes during our season of singleness. Are you making the same mistakes that I have been making? Check them out below!

1. Comparison… I would compare myself to everyone. Everywhere I looked, whether it was at church, in my family, with my friends, at school, at work, everybody seemed to be in a relationship. As a result of what I saw, i genuinely used to believe that I wasn’t attractive and pretty enough, and that something was wrong with me, and that was the reason as to why I was single. This mindset was dangerous because it did not allow me to appreciate the season that I was in. It took away from me spending time with myself, really learning who I was as a person and as God’s child. Comparison brought me misery. It produced no good fruit. I had to get past that, and it was only by God’s help. Just because I am single does not mean i am less than those who are in a relationship.
2. Idolizing a relationship… I thought that being in a relationship was it. That my life would get better. Those things that I have battled internally, it would vanish in some way. A relationship would be my saving grace. Being in one would validate me. It would make me worthy. It would satisfy me, and make me truly happy. I would wish away my single season. I didn’t see the beauty in it for years. But with God’s help, I am seeing it little by little. I am at peace with where I am in my life. It’s not the end all be all if I am not in a relationship. It will be okay if marriage is not the calling that God has over my life because He makes me complete, not man. Hear me when I say that a relationship will never ever make you complete.
3. Idolizing a guy… Whenever a guy liked me, I would idolize him. I would think about him all the time. I would plan our future. If I saw him talking to another girl, I would get extremely upset and insecure thoughts would flood my mind. I never realized that I was making him my god until I began to understand God’s Word and what He really meant by Exodus 20:3, “You shall have no other gods before me.” If you are thinking about a guy a lot, chances are, he has become your idol. And that is no good.
4. Rushing God to make it happen… I thought that I would meet the one the moment I graduated from undergrad. I went to school like my parents wanted. I obtained my degree. I stayed focused. However, “the one” did not come my way. Grad school came and gone, and it still didn’t happen. At my job of seven years and nothing. Moved to an entirely new state and still nothing. Currently work in 2 schools and nada! Every year, “God, I am getting older. I’m honoring you. I’m walking in obedience and nothing.” God had to remind me that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). Everything that He does is strategic. His plans are intentional. Its purposeful. There’s a reason why I am not in a relationship now and I had to allow God in to reveal it to me. If you are single right now, there is a reason. It’s by no accident. It has nothing to do with the way you look. I believe that if you are single right now, God wants to use you in such a way that you never expected, and He needs you to be single so that His plan for your single life can come to pass.
5. Not surrendering my singleness to God… I wanted to be in the driver’s seat. I wanted to be in control all of the time. As much as I wanted to be in control, it was difficult keeping up because I was unhappy. I wanted things done my way, but it wasn’t happen. I had to give this season over to God. I had to let go so that His will, and not my will, can be done.
6. Making a list of how I want my spouse to be… He has to be this. He has to be that, and there is no compromising on it. If it ain’t it, I don’t want it! Whether you realize it or not, creating a list actually puts God in a box. It limits Him and God doesn’t like that. He’s a limitless God so it’s crazy to place a limit on something that is endless. I had to rip up the list and be open to whatever God has in store for me if I truly want His hand in my life. If I truly want Him to write my love story, the list has to go. God will always bless us with what we need, not necessarily with what we want. If we look closely at healthy, successful, godly married couples, they are more opposite than alike, and that is what makes their marriage work. An area that one is weak in, the other is strong in, and that is what you want. Two hot-tempered people will never work!
7. Not enjoying the present moment of where I am at in my life… I was always looking to the future. Always looking to what will rather than what is. That stole a lot of my joy. Now, I make it my business to look for the good in each and every day, even if it is something small.
8. Victimizing myself… I’ve always felt like I was the only single person left on this planet. Like no one else was single but me. I would feel bad for myself. Rather than be kind to myself, I would beat myself up and look for the things that was wrong about me. That created a lot of insecurities. I know that if I was in a room full of 10 people, there will be at least one other person who was single just like me. But victimization caused me to only look at what I didn’t have rather than what I did have.

I hope that by me sharing some of my single season mistakes can help you to reflect on your own season. I know that there is so much good things out there for us singles but we have to stop looking around and just look upwards. Keeping your eyes on God will allow you to enjoy this season that you are in. I said it before and I am going to say it again: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are so special to God that He literally wants to handpick the spouse for you. In the meantime, use this time to find wholeness in Him. Your marriage was only designed to compliment you, not complete you. And even if you never get married, it won’t change how God sees you.

Do you have any single season mistakes? Comment below!

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