25 And A Virgin

I am a 25 year old single virgin. I have never dated or been in any kind of a relationship with a guy. My only experience was in 11th grade where I kissed a guy maybe 3 or 4 times. He was the first guy that ever liked me but we never dated or made anything official. It felt so nice having someone like me in that romantic way because I was always the friend who did not “have it like that” the way my other friends did. Guys never had any romantic interest in me growing up so when the guy confessed that he liked me in high school, it made me feel beautiful, wanted, and desired. It made me feel like I mattered. I did grow up in a 2 parent household where my parents were actively involved in my sisters and I lives, who provided for our emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing, but I wanted what everyone else had. I wanted what my friends had. And that was a boyfriend. Unfortunately, the ‘fling” that I had with the guy did not last long before he started dating someone new and I was back at phase one. Dateless. Boyfriendless. Relationshipless. Every guy that I ever liked, ever since elementary school, did not like me. The guys always liked someone else. It never made sense as to why it never worked out for me, and that took a toll on my self-esteem and my self-image for most of my teenage and young adult years.

In my home, education was extremely important. Although my parents were easy to talk too, they did not readily open the door for boys and dating to be brought up. They were always open to hearing whatever I had to say, but there were many moments when I did not want to talk to them because I knew that they would not understand. One thing about God is that He knows the heart of His children. He knew that I desperately needed someone to talk too as I was going through puberty. I believe that deep down in my heart, I always wanted to remain pure but I needed guidance. I needed someone to talk too. Someone who could talk to me and be completely honest.

God knows when to provide what you need at the right time. During my teenage years, I went to a new church which is currently my church home now. What I saw in the church was something that I knew God made happen. There were a lot of youth, and having that community helped me on my journey. I would say that having youth leaders in my church was helpful in the wait. I did not have any youth leaders as a child in my old church but going through my teenage and adult years, God opened that door for them to be in my life. Although sex was not always the topic of choice, my youth leaders instilled integrity, value, and worth in me. They encouraged me to pursue my dreams. They created a safe place for me to be completely honest with my feelings. This is what I have expressed to them:

“Just like my friends, I wanted to have a boyfriend during my junior high, high school, and college days. I wanted to be that girl whom guys would want a chance to take out on a date. I wanted to have options when it came to choosing who would be my boyfriend. I wanted to know what it felt like to receive gifts on Valentine’s day. I wanted all of it. However, it never happened. I was that girl who did not have the attention of guys, and because of that, I have always felt like there was something wrong with me. I have watched Disney movies like High School Musical, Camp Rock, The Lizzie McGuire Movie, and The Cheetah Girls. I grew up watching Aladdin, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, The Princess and the Frog. Having to sit in my college courses and read books like The Great Gatsby, The Odyssey, and Romeo and Juliet. Romance was everywhere, and I desperately wanted it. I wanted to know what it felt like to fall in love, to have a boyfriend, and to do romantic things. Unfortunately, that was never my story.

I thought that the reason why guys never approached me was based on my physical appearance. An appearance that was not deemed worthy of attention, and I lived with that negative script in my mind for 24 years. In all that I have read and watched growing up, the pretty girls were the ones with the options and the boyfriends while the less popular and not so attractive girls did not stand a chance. Because I never had a boyfriend, I have always categorized myself as the ugly girl while all of my friends who had the boyfriends were deemed the pretty ones. I struggled greatly in this area.“

My youth leaders never condemned me for having those thoughts or feelings. Instead, they validated me. They made me feel heard. Their love for me did not change. Their view towards me did not change. One of the things that they have taught me was to go to God. And so, I did.

I remember begging and pleading with God just to have that experience of dating and being in a relationship for so many years. However, God did not answer in the way I expected. What came from God instead was a revelation. Based on the revelation, I can tell you why it never happened for me as of yet. I can tell you why I am a 25 year virgin who never went on a date or who never had a romantic relationship with a guy. God spoke it so clearly to me and I pray that you receive it for you as well if you are also walking in my shoes. The reason why I have never experienced being in a relationship or dating is because God has me hidden. Just as He has you. The reason why you and I have never been in a relationship as of yet is because God is hiding us from the damage and destruction dating causes. The reason why guys are not knocking down your front door lined up wanting to take you out for you ladies, or the reason why women have rejected you and turned down your offer to continue for you guys is because God is saving you for someone special. He wants you untouched. He wants you free from any baggage that can do harm in your marriage. God does not want you to give pieces of yourself away, whether it be emotionally, mentally, or physically to the person who is not meant to be your husband or your wife because what then would you have left to give your spouse? When God is finished purifying, molding, and cleansing you, He will take you out of hiding and reveal your husband/wife to you. The God who spoke worlds into existence. The God who allowed miracles to happen to imperfect people all throughout history. The God who has handpicked your spouse for you will not fail you. Just trust and wait on Him. We are not forgotten.

Click here to read about my struggles surrounding my virginity.

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